Apr 30 2013
–Add a title.
–Add page numbers
–Expand transitions to improve stitching.
–Add citations where they are missing.
–Combine first two paragraphs on page three.
–Strengthen spine of essay by making the similarities and differences between literary and literal synesthesia–refer to O’Malley and Ward sources–into an organizing question. Change thesis to explore this question. Emphasize that understanding literary and literal synesthesia will help the reader better understand the theme of women’s struggle to achieve freedom in “The Yellow Wallpaper” by offering a window into literature as well as “a window into…how conscious experiences are created” (Ward), respectively.
–Explain more thoroughly how evidence of synesthesia in “The Yellow Wallpaper” helps us understand the narrator’s consciousness. Strengthen the connection between Gilman’s representation of consciousness and her feminist critique.
–Refer to Synesthesia: Perspectives from Cognitive Neuroscience to provide a more accurate explanation of the fMRI experiments on synesthetes than the one provided by paraphrasing the primary source.
–Change some of the language used to introduce sources in order to more accurately express stance in relation to them.
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